Hillary (freesiayourmind) wrote in rivers_words,

Middle Ground

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Middle Ground

I’ve been getting an inordinate amount of advice from eighteen year-olds on my love life.

My dad seems to understand my situation. He says he went through a similar process in finding his wife about twenty-five years ago. His first commitment was to God and his religion. He was celibate for several years. He became clear on what he was looking for in a partner. He met Lila. He “dispassionately” analyzed the situation. He didn’t “fall in love” and he didn’t “see stars”. There never was a “sudden thunderstorm”. He calmly concluded that they would make a great team. Over the years, true love seeped in like “dew, deep into the ground.”

K’s mom on the other hand is a little concerned by my lack of passion. She advised K: “Well, tell him you won’t get married unless he asks YOU to marry him!” She suspects that I don’t care to whom in particular I get married.

Jen Wilson was a little concerned too. “You might be selling yourself short if you settle for a relationship without that passion. You need—”

Pat interrupted her suddenly.

“Now, the world don't move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.”

He was singing and making hand motions to illustrate the lyrics.

“I’m serious,” continued Jen. “You deserve—”

”Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes.
It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world.”

Pat’s point, I think, is that everyone is different and maybe the relationship that’s right for me is different from the stereotypical romantic relationship.

Scott agreed when I asked him.

“Everybody’s different, bro’. Everybody needs different things.”

That was especially reassuring coming from him because I know how glad he is that he waited to find the right person.

I really think K is the right person. And she was right here all along. I just needed to grow up.

We narrowly avoided disaster last night. She copied me on an email she sent to Stuart about our December visit requesting that she be put into economy class while it was OK for me to be in First. I was flabbergasted. I had thought we were going to be a team. Equals. How could she be OK with flying Third class to my First? I took it as a sign that she didn’t want to incur the commitment that would come with allowing me to pay so much money for her. I skyped her immediately. She said I had misunderstood her. She wasn’t afraid of commitment but just couldn’t bring herself to spend so much of anyone’s money on a single flight.

“My dad just bought a car for that amount!”

We both agreed to fly Business.

I hope we can make these decisions as a team in the future.

I want a partner.

Not a housekeeper.
Tags: celibacy, dad, jen, k, marriage, pat, scott
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